when writing doesn't help

Sometimes these pent up feelings flow out easy onto paper
and the relief is instant
and feels like a mountain climbed.

but sometimes they're stuck and I can't explain what these emotions do to me,
only that they're heavy and suffocating and lifeless.

And it hurts, numbing the walls of my heart,

I can't feel a thing,

I don't know what to do with my hands,

breathing in and out becomes a war.

And really, honestly,

I don't want to talk about it.